When I met you I had no idea I’d love you. I didn’t think you’d be so special to me. I don’t know where we went wrong. Maybe it was all of our petty arguments. Maybe it was my insecurities. Yes, my insecurities ruined what we had. I was just so afraid of losing the best thing that ever happened to me. You made me, me. You showed me that it’s okay to be who I am. You changed me. I’ve always thought I was ugly and you changed that. I love you for that. You brought up my self esteem. You made and continue to make me feel beautiful.
Last week, when we went to Downtown Disney to meet my uncle, you looked at me straight in the face and told me, “even though I didn’t tell you every single day that you’re beautiful, you know that you’re beautiful”. You have no idea how much that made me want to cry. And just writing about it makes me want to cry. I know you really do love me. You put up with all my nagging, my bitching, my crying, you put up with me. Not many people would stick around as long as you have. You’re the real deal, even though I try to deny it so many times. But you’ve been so good to me, besides our troubled moments. No one understands what we have, only we do. We fight so much but at the end of the we still love each other. That’s what it’s about. Our love. We’ve been through it all and we continue to stand here.
You were the first guy I ever spent the night with. I woke up in the morning scared that you would think I was ugly, but you didn’t. Every morning we woke up, you would look at me and give me a kiss. No matter how bad my breath stunk, no matter how bad my hair was, you would kiss me good morning and tell me you love me. See, no matter how much I yell at you that you don’t call me beautiful.. which is true… instead, you show me that I’m beautiful. You make me feel it. And I thank you so much for that. I guess it took me really long this long to realize what you were doing.
I’ve tried to plan out my life without you recently, and I can’t. In everything I plan you end up being there. We fight a lot, but I’d rather fight with you every single day than be happy with anyone else. I know these six months that we haven’t been together haven’t been the easiest months and I know I’m to blame for that. But I just want you to know that I’m really sorry. I’ve loved you since the beginning and I never lost love for you. I’m still madly in love with like I was when we first started dating. I want to make you happy because you make me happy. I’m lucky to have a man you like you in my life. I’m not going to lie though, you do piss me off a lot but I do it right back to you lol. We’re perfect for each other.
Just because I can and just because it’s my blog and I really don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks… I want to make things official with you again, before I leave. I know a long distance relationship will be hard, but baby… We’ve stood strong even after all that we’ve gone through… This is just another way to prove our love and to prove that this is forreal. Let’s shut everyone up. Maybe this time around, I’ll be the one asking you out… LOL. I’m going to do it big baby, just watch. This time around, we’re not giving up on each other.
I love you Christopher <3